Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Without Mammograms

WARNING : This is definitely a post For Sisters Only!  FSO, alright?!

So the friendly neighborhood GYN gave me the slip - again.  Last time he gave the the mammogram order (mammo), I had good intentions to go, until a lump was found in my neck and I began the thyroid cancer odyssey. Needless to say, I threw the mammo order OUT. No need to further complicate my medical problems. I mean, just look at the illustration on the order! And I cropped most of it out! 

Now it's a year and a half later, and I worked up the nerve to keep the appointment with my GYN for a "female" checkup. Making the appointment is not a problem, since I've become skilled at canceling them, no problem.  (and I only canceled once...) The proper shirt was found, decent bra, clean socks - no holes - all donned with care and attention to super-scrupulus hygiene. Proper shirt absolutely necessary in order to negotiate the Least Possible Embarrassment while in an awkward position armed only with a paper sheet. Lack of the proper shirt, one of the convenient reasons I had to cancel the first time. It's obvious that I attach ALOT of stress to this particular doctor's visit, but I don't think I'm alone - can I get an Amen?! Except of course, at the end of the ninth month, when I'd lay down wearing anything, or nothing, with no thought of hygiene,  and let anybody in hospital scrubs look, if only they will help me deliver the child, and now! And so have all of you. OK, stream of consciousness, there, sorry. ANYWAY, I went to  my appointment, asked age-demanded questions too personal to share, (sigh - I'm over 40, after all), and thereby completely wrecked the dear doctor's schedule for the day by taking entirely too long asking these questions.  I'm a question person. This would make a good post...

All that to say that at the end, he gave me a slip for a mammo, commenting that since my health has taken such a blessed turn upward, that we should 'strike while the iron is hot'. Are there irons involved in the mamo? Sounds like there might be. Are they hot - I think, probably, yes. Why in the wide world would it matter whether or not I have on deoderant? Are my armpits involved, Lord have mercy??? That just does not seem right - it's not a pit check, right? Is it possible to squish THAT MUCH of my uppers between metal plates? So much that my armpits are in play??? This just does not seem reasonable; I think they are trying to get two tests in at once, and I plan to ask more questions about this while I'm there. Will let you know what I find out!

I'm not one to suffer alone, and I have found that this is a handy character quality. Sharing, after all, is what the scriptures command. So I called around and have arranged a Mammo Party. I will go with two other dear friends, the Grilled Cheese Diva and the French Cookware Mistress! We will laugh (I hope, I hope) our way through our mammos and then go to lunch! I'm thinking of suggesting party hats...The Mistress said she might bring her camera...